Externalizing an Eating Disorder: When, Why, and How Do You Do That and Who is “Ed” Anyway?

Externalizing an Eating Disorder [image description: drawing of a child reigning in a monster]
Photo by Yaopey Yong on Unsplash
Externalizing an eating disorder is a therapeutic strategy that became more widely known through Jenni Schaefer’s book Life Without Ed, cowritten with her therapist Thom Rutledge. The book summarizes Jenni’s recovery from an eating disorder.

Jenni describes how in her treatment she learned to personify the eating disorder as “Ed,” an abusive boyfriend. As explained in the blurb on her website, “By thinking of her eating disorder as a unique personality separate from her own, [she] was able to break up with Ed once and for all.” The book details the various exercises she used in her recovery, including creating a formal “divorce decree” with the eating disorder and pushing back on him at every turn. In an Academy for Eating Disorders tweetchat (2014) on the topic, Jenni Schaefer tweeted, “Ed could say whatever he wanted. To be in recovery, I had to make the decision to disagree with and disobey him.”

This “externalization” strategy is borrowed from narrative therapy. A key principle of narrative therapy is that the person is not the problem – instead, the problem is the problem. The problem is viewed as something with which the person is in a relationship, not as something that is part of the person. It follows then that the person can separate themselves from the problem and reduce its effects on them.

Family-based treatment (FBT), the leading evidence-based treatment for adolescent eating disorders, adopts narrative therapy’s externalization strategy in dealing with the eating disorder. The perspective taken by FBT clinicians is that the teen must be extricated from the eating disorder’s clutches.

When working with families, the FBT therapist encourages them to treat the eating disorder as an external force that has invaded the teen and hijacked their brain. Some families will even name the illness after a favorite villain such as “Voldemort” or refer to it as “the monster.” The therapist then rallies parents and other family members to unite against this common enemy to help their teen fend it off.

Many patients and family members can relate to this externalization strategy because the teen does appear to transform into a “different person” under the spell of the eating disorder, especially around mealtimes. This externalization allows families to reframe the situation: the teen does not want to restrict their eating—instead, that the eating disorder is an alien force that makes them restrict their eating.

While both Life Without Ed and FBT have given externalization popular traction, research has not definitively answered whether it is a helpful technique. While we do have research showing FBT to be highly effective, FBT includes so many elements it’s possible that it might work without the externalization component. In order to know for sure, we would need special research in the form of dismantling studies that test each individual element of a full treatment—to determine the role of externalization on the overall treatment outcome. There is one recent qualitative paper that studied the process of externalizing the eating disorder.

What are some advantages of externalizing the eating disorder?

  • It offers a convenient and relatable metaphor: “The eating disorder is possessing you.”
  • It can make it easier to call out certain behaviors as problematic even if they do not feel troubling to the patient themselves.
  • Experiencing the eating disorder as an unwelcome invader may help marshal the patient to fight back against it.
  • Redirecting the anger of families and caregivers towards the eating disorder allows them to retain compassion for the patient.
  • It puts everyone on the same team battling a common enemy: the eating disorder.
  • It can help the patient become accountable for their own recovery by learning to rebel against and defy Ed.

Reasons you might not want to externalize the eating disorder

Some professionals worry that giving the eating disorder its own persona gives it too much power and might encourage patients to blame the eating disorder while absolving them of any responsibility for recovery. Some people find externalization too trendy and are put off by it.

According to the qualitative paper by Voswinkel and colleagues (2021), there were mixed perceptions about externalizing by patients interviewed. Some people with eating disorders feel like the eating disorder is a part of them and felt they were not taken seriously or criticized by externalization. Many of the characteristics of patients with eating disorders—such as perfectionism—are actually personality traits that by themselves are not problematic. So by associating these characteristics with an external agent, there is a risk of inadvertently criticizing the patient. People with eating disorders may find the externalization technique dismissive or invalidating of their experience and may become angry when their family members externalize the eating disorder.

So, should you do It?

Clinicians and family members considering externalization should assess the potential risks and benefits of this technique. If you are a person with an eating disorder and this metaphor makes sense to you, you can learn more about the strategy by reading Life Without Ed. If you are a family member of a person with an eating disorder and/or a parent doing FBT, it can also be helpful to consider this as a strategy for talking about the eating disorder with your loved one. Life Without Ed is also good reading for parents and even some teens in recovery.

It is always a good idea to check with the person with the eating disorder about how they perceive externalizing. If you are supporting a person in recovery and they dislike your ascribing the eating disorder its own persona, then you can refrain from talking about it in front of your loved one but still use it as a way to frame your own understanding of the situation.

Eating disorder expert Carolyn Costin, MA, MED, MFT suggests a similar but alternative strategy to externalization: think of the patient as having two aspects of their own self, a “healthy self” and an “eating disorder self.” Eating disorder researcher Kelly Vitousek, Ph.D. offers another option: abandon the metaphor altogether and explain these behaviors to the patient as symptoms of starvation. These alternatives to externalization might be preferable to some people with eating disorders.

Finally, it is important to emphasize that, regardless of the way an eating disorder is framed, behavioral change is critical for recovery. Many of the symptoms and dangers of an eating disorder can be related to nutritional deficits and these symptoms are often improved with proper nutrition and normalization of eating behaviors.

How do I Parent My Teen During Family-Based Treatment? When to Set Limits

Photo by Jakob Rosen on Unsplash

Parents doing FBT often struggle with “normal parenting concerns” and setting limits while doing FBT. They’re refeeding their teens at home, doing the hard work often done by professional staff at treatment centers, but they still have to parent. It’s exhausting. Their teens who have eating disorders are often experiencing the psychological and physical consequences of malnutrition while also being a teen and facing the challenges that typically come with that stage of life —social and academic pressures, family stresses, desire for more independence, and puberty.

It’s not uncommon for teens to be a little rebellious or to challenge limits. Some parents may feel they should ignore any defiance from teens in recovery or may be afraid to confront behaviors they would normally not tolerate in their children. Other parents may want to clamp down on all undesirable behaviors.

In FBT we talk about separating the child from the eating disorder and joining with and loving your child while waging war against the eating disorder threatening your teen’s life. This model may be helpful in decisions about how to parent. I recommend first trying to determine whether the behaviors you are concerned about are part of the ED or not.

This may not be obvious at first glance, but if defiance or anger or disrespectful language or threatening behavior comes out at, just before, or after meals or during an FBT appointment or a weight check—or around discussions of food, body, the eating disorder, or treatment—assume it’s the eating disorder and not your child. Remember that your child with an eating disorder has a decreased ability to regulate emotions as a result of malnourishment and that they are in a state of terror at these times. This is the fight-or-flight reaction seen during episodes of high anxiety. The eating disorder will make them lash out in hopes of avoiding the source of the anxiety (food, weighing, etc.). During those moments, I recommend speaking to them compassionately and recognizing the underlying emotion of anxiety, and not reprimanding the behavior in the moment.

During times outside of meals or treatment—which may seem few and far between for those just beginning this journey—this behavior is less likely to “be the ED.” At these times, you should parent largely as you would normally do, with the caveat that your child is under increased stress from treatment. If you would normally reprimand or give a consequence to your child for inappropriate language, staying out after curfew, or screaming at you, feel free to do so. You do not have to tolerate rudeness and defiance and can require appropriate behavior.

As you do this, do keep in mind that the intense process of recovery—including exposure to what is often 6 meals per day—is putting your child under additional stress. I like to remind parents that in many cases, teens go to residential treatment centers. While these centers have their pros and cons, one helpful aspect of residential treatment is that it removes the teen from the everyday stresses of school and home life (annoying brother, curious extended family, and heavy academic loads, etc.) so they can focus entirely on treatment.  It can be easy to overlook how these stressors add up.

You might want to pick your battles so your teen doesn’t feel battered all the time. Some smaller things—like clothes on the floor of their room or not cleaning their bathroom—may need to be overlooked. You will want to prioritize addressing behaviors that affect you—for example, rude language—or that interfere with the goals of treatment, including weight gain and normalizing eating. So, if your teen doesn’t come back in time from an outing with friends and misses a snack or meal, that would be a high priority to address. On the other hand, you might choose to let go of their not going to bed on time (as long as it doesn’t keep them from getting up in time for breakfast).

If you are unsure whether the behaviors are part of the eating disorder or not and how to respond, I encourage you to consider whether their behavior is different than it was prior to the eating disorder. A normal developmental trajectory may be contributing to the changes in behavior. An older adolescent may be more challenging of authority and may exhibit behaviors that were not a part of the repertoire 6 to 9 months earlier, before the start of the eating disorder.  If the behavior is different, consider whether it might be related to the stress of recovery, the result of malnutrition, or something else entirely. If it seems different and/or persists, speak to your treatment providers or have your child assessed. It may be that they have another mental health disorder that needs to be addressed. If the behaviors were there before the eating disorder, you should also talk to your treatment providers and see if additional support is needed to help you address them.

Finally, keep in mind that this is a tough time. You have a lot on your plate. Parenting and treating an eating disorder is a lot all at once. Try to separate your teen from their eating disorder and develop a list of priority behaviors to address so you don’t take on too much at once. Talk to your treatment team about your concerns. And remember you don’t have to abdicate all parenting just because you are also on their treatment team.

Recommended Reading

Two of my favorite teen parenting books:

Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall?: A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager by Anthony E. Wolf

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood by Jim Fay and Foster Cline

Low-Cost Eating Disorder Psychotherapy Now Available

Low-Cost Eating Disorder TherapyWe are excited to announce that via our designation as a practicum site we are now able to train advanced graduate students in psychology in evidence-based treatment for eating disorders. This allows us to further our mission of helping to disseminate evidence-based treatments and to bring them to people in Los Angeles County who need them. We are also able to offer a true low-cost treatment option. Our psychology externs will be able to provide individual psychotherapy for adults with bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder and teens and adults with disordered eating and body image concerns.

Beginning in August, 2021, the cost for sessions with our psychological externs is $60 per therapy hour. We will also be offering some lower-cost groups. Sessions are available in-person in our office in mid-Wilshire area of Los Angeles and virtually with individuals throughout California.

As of June 2021, EDTLA has developed a memorandum of understanding with two local doctoral programs in clinical psychology— the California School of Professional Psychology at Alliant International University and Pepperdine University’s Clinical Psychology Doctoral Program of the Graduate School of Education and Psychology.

Each year, up to two advanced-level doctoral students are carefully selected through an interview process to be psychological externs at EDTLA. Psychological externs provide individual and group therapy to adults and adolescents.

All of the psychological externs receive extensive training through EDTLA’s training seminars and supervision program in order to provide quality therapy at lower fees than is typically found in Los Angeles.

All Psychological Externs work directly under Dr. Muhlheim (PSY15045), meaning that treatment decisions and progress are monitored on a weekly basis by an experienced licensed psychologist.

To inquire about receiving treatment from one of our psychology externs, please complete this form (and put Psychology Extern) under “Requested Clinician.”

You can read more about our current psychology externs here.

EMDR for Eating Disorders

EMDR and Eating Disorders [close up of an eye]
Photo by Amanda Dalbjörn on Unsplash

By Runjhun Pandit, LPCC

EMDR….Sounds scary.

EMDR therapy, these acronyms make it sound like a scary treatment intervention. And oftentimes, when I mention this to my clients, they feel scared or confused. They do have questions about how it works and how it is different from hypnosis.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a treatment specifically created to help people deal with a traumatic situation. It was initially developed for veterans who suffered flashbacks and nightmares upon return from war and were trying to readjust back to life with their families. Soldiers experienced reenactment of the wars in their dreams, emotional outbursts leading to frequent conflicts with their families, inability to maintain steady relationships, and dissociation from reality. EMDR hence was developed by Francine Shapiro, Ph.D. with the assumption that eye movements could assist in desensitizing to a traumatic situation. 

The limbic system in our brain is responsible for our behavioral and emotional responses while the brainstem and cortex are the areas that help in relaying the message from the spinal cord to the brain and store the verbal story of the events in our daily lives. When a person experiences a traumatic situation–like an accident or exposure to prolonged emotional distress like abuse or neglect– the usual coping mechanism that would help the person effectively “process” the situation, goes into overdrive. And the limbic system isolates this memory and stores it in the form of an emotional and physical sensation. Due to this isolation, the cerebral cortex doesn’t remember the “story” but the limbic system sends out an emotional response when some events in the present trigger some areas of the traumatic event. Hence, even if the memory is forgotten, the emotions attached to the memory– like pain, anxiety, or body sensations– continue to trigger the person in the present. This prevents a person from experiencing new situations or from living in the moment since oftentimes some parts of the present emotionally burden the limbic system. 

During EMDR sessions, the therapist creates a treatment plan and simulates eye movements similar to the ones that occur during REM sleep by asking the client to follow their fingers. Our brain has the natural capacity to heal itself. During the session, the therapist might also use a light bar to help you track the light across the visual field. These movements last for a minute and the therapist will ask you to report any experience–such as a change in emotions,, memories, or thoughts–after each set of eye movements. By repeating this process, the traumatic memory eventually loses its emotional charge and gets stored in the mind instead as a neutral memory. Frequently, people also have smaller memories associated with the actual traumatic memory which also may get resolved along the way. It has been noted that the “healing” of these smaller memories also creates a noticeable change in a person’s life. 

Although EMDR was developed for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), growing evidence shows that it may also be helpful for the resolution of panic attacks, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and negative body image. EMDR helps clients process the traumatic memory and assimilate it in a healthier way without an emotional charge. Studies have shown that EMDR can be used in conjunction with Family-Based Treatment (FBT) or Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment (CBT) since these treatments focus on the here and now of the eating behavior while EMDR focuses on the past experiences around body image or food that maintain the disordered eating behaviors. Research has shown that EMDR generates a connection between body, emotions, and cognitions by allowing the elaboration of traumatic events and simultaneously resolving the emotional blocks attached to the traumatic memories. 

A complete EMDR treatment helps the person to “walk through” previously considered traumatic events with greater emotional and impulse control which eventually leads to an increase in feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. 

Runjhun Pandit, LPCC is available to see adolescents for EMDR via telehealth. EMDR can be helpful for food-related traumas and other traumas that might perpetuate eating disorder symptoms such as bullying, body shame, and other invalidating experiences.  To make an appointment with Runjhun Pandit, complete this form

Sources

Bloomgarden A, Calogero RM. A randomized experimental test of the efficacy of EMDR treatment on negative body image in eating disorder inpatients. Eating Disorders: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention. 2008; 16(5): 418–427.

Maria Zaccagnino, Cristina Civilotti, Martina Cussino, Chiara Callerame and Isabel Fernandez (February 1st 2017). EMDR in Anorexia Nervosa: From a Theoretical Framework to the Treatment Guidelines, Eating Disorders – A Paradigm of the Biopsychosocial Model of Illness, Ignacio Jauregui-Lobera, IntechOpen, DOI: 10.5772/65695. Available from: https://www.intechopen.com/books/eating-disorders-a-paradigm-of-the-biopsychosocial-model-of-illness/emdr-in-anorexia-nervosa-from-a-theoretical-framework-to-the-treatment-guidelines

Verardo A, Zaccagnino M, Lauretti G. Clinical applications in the context of attachment: the role of EMDR. Clinical applications in the context of attachment: the role of EMDR. Infanzia e Adolescenza. 2014; 13: 172–184

Supporting Your Loved One with ARFID

Supporting a Loved One with ARFID [woman looking disgusted at bowl of cereal]

by Carolyn Comas, LCSW

There’s an eating disorder that often gets overlooked amongst the better-known eating disorders like Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Binge Eating Disorder. Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is an eating disorder that can involve difficulty tolerating certain foods due to textures, tastes, or smells. It can also manifest as avoidant behaviors stemming from a trauma around food such as choking or getting sick from eating a particular food. Some people worry about whether they are going to be able to swallow food or they have an aversion to throwing up. ARFID can present as a lack of interest in food altogether.

This eating disorder can result in very limited food selections which in turn can lead to medical complications such as low weight, failure to gain weight during childhood, developmental delays, malnutrition, and vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Many people who struggle with this disorder share how uncomfortable it is to eat out socially and feel isolated from peers and family. It can be a very frustrating disorder for the individual who has it and certainly can be difficult for the caregiver or loved ones supporting a person struggling with ARFID. Many people who have ARFID do want to eat. Unlike people with anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, people with ARFID usually do not have fears of weight gain or their body changing.

It can be hard to sit across the table from someone you love and see them unable to feed themselves even when they are hungry. It can be hard to understand and relate to a person with ARFID’s lack of interest in eating or fears that arise around certain foods. Many times caregivers find themselves accommodating meal times by cooking specifically for their person with ARFID or having to plan out exactly what foods will be available to eat when away from the home. 

How do you support the person you love as they are trying to recover from this eating disorder?

First off, validation. The recovery process can be really hard. For many people with ARFID doing food exposures is an important element of treatment.  This means they are trying foods that they have been terrified of eating or practicing eating to prove their fears are not coming to fruition. It is a scary process to face these fears. They may feel anxious and overwhelmed. Let them know that what they are feeling is real. Validate their feelings. Acknowledge how tough this must be for them, and share that you believe they can do it. 

Second, have patience. ARFID is often seen in children but can last well into adulthood. Many of my own clients have been restrictive eaters since they were babies and toddlers. For years families have found ways to feed them and that often involved negotiating with what they would eat and sticking to these safe foods. You may have found yourself making separate meals for your family member and not going to certain restaurants because you knew there were no food options for them to eat. As your loved one begins to do exposure work with foods it will take time for them to become more comfortable. You may want to say, “Just eat” or get frustrated by their continued refusal. Remember that expanding their food variety is a slow process. Pressure and anger are not helpful. In fact, they may be shaming. Encourage your loved one to practice trying new foods every day. Remind them the more they practice the easier this will become.

The third thing that is helpful is allowing them to have agency when it comes to their food choices. People are more likely to try foods that they are interested in versus feeling compelled to eat a food when they do not want to or are not willing to try it. The process can feel less intimidating. As a parent, you may find yourself in less of a power struggle with your child if in the past they have held up strong resistance to tasting new foods.

Fourth is education and support. It can be very powerful to learn about ARFID and its symptoms. It may also be helpful to reach out to other caregivers who have gone through this process. Many parents feel helpless when their child refuses to eat. Having support from a therapist, support group, and medical providers can feel empowering and also help relieve some of the burdens you may be placing on yourself.

If you or someone you know is struggling to eat due to aversions or fears there is help available. Checking in with your medical professional first can be a good place to find out if your loved one is under-weight, has deficiencies from lack of nutrition, or is experiencing any other health complications. At Eating Disorder Therapy LA, I  and other therapists have been trained in helping ARFID patients recover. There is hope–and recovery from this diagnosis is very possible.

We provide individual treatment for teens and adults with ARFID and also have a FREE virtual adult ARFID support group for people in California.

FREE Virtual Adult ARFID Support Group for people in California

Free Virtual adult ARFID support group open to patients in California. thursdays, 5 to 6 pm. Beginning Thursday, March 11

We are seeing more and more need for treatment for Avoidant Restrictive Intake Disorder (ARFID). Several of our clinicians have several years of experience in treating ARFID and have undergone training in CBT-AR with Drs Thomas and Eddy, the developers of CBT-AR.

The patients we see with ARFID are usually relieved to find treatment that is tailored to them. They report not knowing other people with ARFID and not having people in their lives who understand what it is like to live with ARFID. They report feeling like they don’t fit in in other eating disorder recovery and support spaces.

So, here we have it, a space just for adults with ARFID. Open to anyone in California, age 18 and up with ARFID. Come for support and education.

This group is ongoing and is held online on Thursday evenings, 5 to 6 pm.

Call 323-743-1122 or email lmuhlheim@eatingdisordertherapyla.com to reserve a spot.

Now that it’s been running for about 20 weeks, here are some themes we’ve discussed:

  • Psychoeducation about ARFID including the different types of ARFID and how one develops ARFID
  • How people with ARFID struggle in general eating disorder spaces
  • The shame experienced in eating “kids foods” or foods vilified by diet culture
  • Struggles in eating out and travel
  • Favorite ARFID foods (there are surprising commonalities)
  • Exposure strategies
  • Chaining
  • How to help other people understand your ARFID
  • ARFID resources

 

What’s in Your Soothing/Coping Kit?

Coping Skills Tool BoxClockwise starting at left: adult coloring book and colored pencils, Kinetic Sand (in purple), Enso Buddha Board, scented candle (my favorite—Thymes Kimono Rose), Spek magnetic balls (in purple), good old fashioned Silly Putty, The Squeeze Aromatherapy Dough (in Lavender).

 

We all deal with stress and have to find ways to cope with a range of emotions. Having ways to release stress, distract, soothe, discharge energy, and fidget can help. Whether you are young or old, managing your own stress or supporting a family member, everyone could benefit from a homemade calming toolkit. Here are a few items that are in my toolbox. What’s in yours?

Other ideas for soothing activities could be cuddling with a pet, doing a meditation, listening to calming music, playing Words with Friends, putting essential oil or scented lotion on your arms. What works for each person will be different. Be creative.

Weight Bias and Figure Skating

Weight Stigma and Figure Skating [Image description: Carolyn at an ice skating competition]
The author at the 2004 Intercollegiate National Championships where she won a silver medal

By Carolyn Comas, LCSW

For a long time I was embarrassed to tell people that I was a figure skater. I was afraid that someone would look at me and laugh at the idea that someone like me skated. I felt this way because I am in a larger body and have always been. Even though I loved to ice skate, I somehow knew that I was not in the ideal body for this sport. It never occurred to me back then that these thoughts and beliefs were biases that I had been taught both implicitly and explicitly. 

Biases are preconceived ideas about something or someone. They can be negative or positive but often we associate biases as negative. For me, I grew up with the bias that “real figure skaters” were in small slender bodies. I only saw petite tiny women (and girls) glide across the ice when I would watch the Olympics or National Championships. I never saw an ice skater that looked like me.

 In my personal experience as an ice skater  I can remember a dance and ice skating store shop owner looking down at me as she said, “we don’t carry your size.” I had coaches that reminded me that I’d skate faster if I was smaller and applauded me when I lost weight. I was highly aware that some coaches weighed their students and told them what they could and could not eat. It is really no surprise that in the sport of figure skating there are increased rates of eating disorders and overexercise, and many skaters experience poor relationships to food and body.

I was surrounded by weight stigma as I was teased by kids at school for being fat. It definitely reinforced the belief that my body was wrong. Fortunately I had friends and family who didn’t judge me and supported my passion for skating. Regardless of my size I was a real figure skater. I wore the sparkly dresses. I could do difficult jumps and all types of spins. I competed in competitions and even took home a few medals and trophies. I learned to ice dance with a partner. I performed in ice shows and represented my college at the Intercollegiate Nationals three times. I even took home a silver medal for my event. Eventually I would go on to teach others to skate. I was in love with this sport and I guess in some ways I pushed some invisible boundaries by not succumbing to the negative messages about whether I belonged on the ice or not.

Biases can be so harmful because they create this belief that the size of your body cannot do a certain sport, wear a certain piece of clothing, or just feel like you don’t belong. It was not until I was into my coaching career that I truly saw how our biases could stand in the way of doing something that could be fun. I had two students who changed the way I saw what someone can or cannot do.

The first was a 60 year old man who wanted to learn how to ice skate so he could skate with his grandson who was a hockey player.  He shared that he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and wanted to ice skate with his grandson before the disease progressed enough that he wouldn’t be able to do difficult physical activity like ice skating. He told me his left leg was already significantly weaker than his right leg, but he wanted to try so that he could surprise his grandson.

The second student was an eight year old  boy who was on the autistic spectrum. His parents wanted him to learn to ice skate because his father was a hockey player and wanted to be able to ice skate with his son. Unfortunately, this student’s autism was severe enough that he would never be able to play on an ice hockey team or join in an ice skating class with others his age. Our one on one lessons focused on just teaching him to stand on the ice, feeling the cold ice with his bare hands, and marching his feet.

If we listen to what society says about only one type of body being right we might miss out on something pretty incredible. Too often in my work as a therapist I hear clients say they can’t do something because their body doesn’t fit the expectations of what has been deemed normal by society. My two ice skating students were people who many might presume were unable to ice skate because of their bodies. They did not struggle with weight stigma, but  stigma around disabilities. Many coaches did not want to teach them because they felt it would be too hard to work with them. For me, it was a blessing.

I wish there was more representation of different types of bodies in figure skating and in all sports for that matter. I hope that we can tear down these negative fat biases and that more people in bigger bodies get the opportunity to do the things they wish. Maybe some things need to be modified and maybe you won’t be an Olympic champion, but body size should not be a limiting factor of what one is allowed to do. Think about how your own biases prevent you from doing something.

I am no longer ashamed to tell people I was a figure skater. I am proud to share about my ice skating experiences and the jumps and spins I was able to do. I do not care if there is judgement because figure skating is hard. I bet most people couldn’t do a flying camel spin into a sit spin combination. But, I could, and I deserve to show that off.

An EDTLA Origin Story

Photo of Lauren and Elisha in EDTLA t-shirts
Dr. Muhlheim and Dr. Carcieri (with baby bump) in 2015 in EDTLA t-shirts

In August, 2014, a Los Angeles psychologist who was in the process of taking the licensing exam reached out to me and asked to schedule a meeting. She was interested in pursuing more training and work in the field of eating disorders. We met and there was an immediate recognition that we were aligned. She practiced in the same way I did and had a passion for evidence-based treatment of eating disorders. We discovered we even used all the same patient education materials. And she was an early proponent of Health at Every Size ®. She wanted to know if she could work with me in my practice, but I had no plan to start a group practice. I told this therapist—Dr. Elisha Carcieri—to keep in touch as she completed her licensing.

But I was intrigued, and I didn’t want to lose the opportunity to work with such a capable colleague. So the wheels started to turn. Very soon, I decided to start a group so I could hire her. In December I emailed her back, “I’m starting to think about expanding my practice if you are at all interested… .”And in December, 2014, the seeds of Eating Disorder Therapy LA were planted.

It took time to bloom—because of various family obligations and credentialing issues, Dr. Carcieri finally joined the practice in October 2015. She was well-liked by patients and colleagues alike and we worked really well together, collaborating on other projects as well. After a year and a half with EDTLA, her family moved to South Carolina and she had to leave the practice. Since then, we have continued to grow and add wonderful new colleagues, but I grieved the loss of the colleague who was there at the beginning.

Fast forward to 2020 and the growth of telehealth. I am really excited to share that Dr. Elisha Carcieri is back—joining us via telehealth and will be seeing California patients. She has immediate openings for early morning appointments.

 

 

Easing Grief Through Connection (Coping Strategy for the Holidays)

Easing Grief Through Connection (Coping Strategy for the Holidays) [Image description: jar of dimes]By Carolyn Comas, LCSW

Grief can be complicated and a painful process. This holiday season many of us are experiencing the loss of the past year we were supposed to have. For those who have lost someone special this can compound the difficulty of this years’ holiday season. 2020 has not been easy for many of us and finding joy during the holiday season may feel challenging.

Many years ago when I was first starting out as a therapist I was seeing a client for grief counseling. This client shared with me something I had never heard about. They discussed that when you find a dime it is a sign the person you’ve lost is reaching out to you. It is a sign they are with you. This client told me how they had been finding dimes all over the place. That evening, after having met with that client as I was packing up to go home, I looked down by my chair and noticed a dime.

This concept was not lost on me years later after my own mother died. I would find dimes all the time and kept each one that I found. In a grief support group that I was in many of the group members shared about the signs they received from their loved ones. Some talked about coins they found, some said it was a certain type of bird they’d see, and for others a certain song that came on the radio. What I learned was that it did not really matter what the thing was but how that thing  we found kept us connected to the person we love. It brought comfort. It brought peace. It brought healing.

It is okay if you are not spiritual or religious. A sign doesn’t have to signify anything more than a memory or a feeling of connection to that person. Right before Thanksgiving this year my brother sent me a picture of a sweater he saw at a yard sale. It was adorned with carousel horses. My mother was obsessed with and collected all types of carousel horses. In that instant I had goosebumps. “She’s with you,” I said. And he agreed. “I feel it,” he said. “It is nice to think she is here with me.”

Coincidentally, my mom also collected dimes that she found as she believed they were messages from relatives and friends she had lost in her life. I didn’t know this until my dad told me after I shared with him about my new coin collection. Knowing this was something my mom also did made finding a shiny dime even more special. It  really makes me feel like she is with me.

Losing someone you love can be difficult. Finding ways to stay connected through a sign is one way to ease the pain and bring comfort to your aching heart. During this holiday season, if you are struggling with the loss of a loved one think about something that connects you to them. Is there a holiday tradition you use to do together or a song you both sang? Maybe there was a food that was enjoyed together that you could make now. Whatever it may be, know that this could potentially help with healing from the loss you feel during this holiday time or during any time of the year.